


Date night

by silver_moon_howler



Series: Domestic Gotham because Why Not? [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Bruce Wayne is So Done, Date Night, Domestic Gotham, Gotham City is Terrible, M/M, Only in Gotham, Protective Oswald Cobblepot, Sweet Edward Nygma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26080660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_moon_howler/pseuds/silver_moon_howler
Summary: New Gotham citizens have a hard time adjusting to what would be constituted as a threat in this city. Oswald just wants his husband to get down from there before he gets an asthma attack.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Series: Domestic Gotham because Why Not? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893412
Comments: 1
Kudos: 85





	Date night

Calum screamed, dropping his groceries on the floor.  
“Oh by bad, Sir.” The penguin proceeded to scoop up this stranger's groceries mid attack. Calum stuttered, looking between the large question mark growing from the earth with a tall man perched on the dot, his clothes equally green.  
“Who is that,” Calum demanded. The penguin sent the stranger a funny look, “That’s my husband. He and I have a bet and I came to watch him loose,” he told Calum as if that explained anything. Calum shook his head, “That’s the Riddler isn’t it, a-and you’re the Penguin.” The man preened under the recognition, “It’s nice to meet a fan, I hope none of your groceries broke.” He examined the floor for smashed greens or broken eggs. 

“Why is everyone else going about their day,” Calum demanded, pointing at the other gothamites that walked past the glowing question mark as if it wasn’t sending weird energy waves into the atmosphere.  
“It’s completely safe, Sir,” the Penguin assured Calum, “Ivy is on her honeymoon so we promised to stay green for the rest of the trip as a wedding gift.” An explosion went off in the distance, “Well that would be the Scarecrow,” the Penguin observed, “He’s quite the outlier. Throws the whole experiment out of whack.” The man on the question mark raised a golden staff, pointing it at the explosion, a large ray shot from the end piercing the building, the metal bubbled. Ir grew thinner and thinner until it completely patched over all the damage. “That’s my Eddie,” the Penguin smiled fondly. 

Calum continued to splutter explictives,  
“What is happening,” he demanded. The Penguin stilled, “You're an out of towner aren’t you?” The question mark grew larger, toppling the nearby bank. Faintly Calum could hear Riddler exclaiming, “Die capitalist scumbags,” reveling in the chaos of the burning fire. Calum dropped his groceries, sprinting in the opposite direction.  
“Oh dear, I hope he’ll be alright here,” Oswald fretted. A black cord wrapped itself around Edward’s leg, yanking his feet off the ground. “That’ll be Batman,” Oswald sighed, hobbling to his husband, holding a plastic bag filled with water bottles and Edward’s inhaler. 

“You can not stop me Detective,” Edward crowed into the smoke, “I am the greatest puzzles of the universe solved, the human mind placed in an order only I can read, I am-” he wheezed, leaning over his knees to catch his breath. Batman landed on top of the question mark, holding an identical inhaler labeled “Nygma.” Oswald sighed, “Hello, Bruce. Edward, love. You were right, he came to your crime first.” Bruce’s face twisted into a sneer, “Is this a game to you?” Edward wheezed, making grabby motions at the plastic bag in Oswald’s hand. 

After Edward had caught his breath and was properly hydrated, Oswald had sat him down on the steps of the destroyed bank, fanning debris away from his husband's face.  
“I only destroyed government buildings,” Riddler protested. Batman sneered, “You’re costing taxpayers hundreds of dollars.” Riddler sneered, “You can just make a very generous donation toward their reconstruction can’t you, Mr. Wayne?” Oswald shushed his husband, “You better not get arrested tonight,” he told Edward, “Or you’re going to crime free for the rest of the month. Edward pouted, “Listen, I just-” he clicked the end of his staff and the metal bubble popped, releasing a pissed Scarecrow onto the public. Batman blinked in shock,  
“Nightwing,” he barked, “Take care of the husbands. I’ll get the Scarecrow.” He looked back to see Edward and Oswald had disappeared in the smoke. “B,” Nightwing asked.  
“Belay that last order,” Bruce sighed, “Just come help me with the Scarecrow.” 

For date night that Friday Edward took his husband to the evolution of mob mentality in New England, gallery at the Gotham University Economics building. Bruce Wayne glared holes into their head several times over the night and a poorly dressed waiter with a white streak in his hair tried to escort them off the premises. But after Mr. Cobblepot left a very hefty anonymous donation to Gotham Universities homeless youth fund, Mr. Wayne’s glares softened and the other man disappeared.  
“You’re trying to tell me this was better than going out to dinner for the hundredth time,” Edward nagged, “Tonight was such a huge success I think we should-” Oswald held his hand for silence, “I will agree to go to more interactive dates on the condition that you never go so low as to take me to a history of stamp printing exhibit or whatever.” Edward smiled, wrapping a stickley arm around his husband’s shoulder. “Whatever you say dear.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I always liked the idea of Harley Quinn knowing who Batman is, she'd tell Ivy. And run it in Joker's face if he was ever being an arrogant shit about how he knows who Batman is but nobody else can find out. 
> 
> Riddler canonically figured it out and you know he's too soft to keep secrets from his husband. 
> 
> Joker and Riddler don't tell anyone because it's too good of a secret. Penguin doesn't care, and doesn't touch Bruce because he knows it would kill Riddler. Harley also doesn't care, but tried to appeal to his billionaire self. Ivy occasionally hits up Bruce if theres a situation to delicate for her to fight herself out of.


End file.
